Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
