Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
