Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
false alarm, still single
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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