I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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