can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
