Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
