If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
