i just wanna soil my oats bro
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
