Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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