My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
