Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
