My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think my moral compass just broke
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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