It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
