if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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