Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
