in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
