He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
