I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
