Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
