I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
