I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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