Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
