she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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