So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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