JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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