do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
