FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
