you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
