I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
