I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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