Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
