Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
