Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
