xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
