Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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