I love having hate sex.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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