thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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