He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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