Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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