I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
