oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I cockslap morals
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
