We won't sleep together?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
