I must be too annoying 4 u.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
