i just google imaged poop.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
