Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
