Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I yelled at your uterus for you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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