Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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