i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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