are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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