At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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