I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
