another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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