i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
