I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
