Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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