i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
