I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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