I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You have to summon your inner elephant
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
