Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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