Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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