I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
