my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There's always time for handjobs
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
