my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
