I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
