I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize