I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
