Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
