i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
