I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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