____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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