Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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