When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
