he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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