that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
